And so baby, I waited for you in the shadows, hiding next to your house, aiming to steal a kiss from your hungry, greedy lips.
And you got upset and angry; said I had no right to come over and jeopardise your relationship, with her. In my mind, I went back to that steamy night we spent together and felt so used. How could I have been so blind, love? How did I fail to see that all of this was nothing but a dangerous fantasy? When and why did I ignore all the warning signs? You were my long-lost and newly-found crush. You even laughed at me when I used that word. But truth is baby, you made me feel like a teenager again. Like the first time I fell in love or made love.
And you held my hand the entire time, never once letting it go, even when changing gear. I giggled and said that this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done. It felt like you were afraid to lose me if my hand slips away. But baby, if you only knew that your arms were the only place I wanted to be. That the warmth of your palms melted down some of the ice off my frozen heart. That you make me feel comfortable, in my awkwardness. But I stayed quiet and mumbled nonsense instead.
And I stripped you down to your socks and pushed you against the bed in that icy room. The small useless heater may have been on, but it was anticipation that burned our bodies, as I ran my voracious tongue along your freckled body. Your distinct scent turned your skin into a deliciously curious feast and my nose kept tracing your body, like a sniffing dog, wanting to lock your smell, in the attic cells of my brain, forever. Your raspy voice choked as you called me “Mistress” and begged for me to take you. All of you.
And you left me hanging, never gave me closure, burned all my letters, erased my words and called my love for you, bullshit. You said I ignored you, whilst I yearned for you. You felt offended when I did not return your calls, said I did not love you, when baby, I wrote you poems. And yes I’m a failed romantic under the sun and I only excel at it in the dark. And yes, I wrote you haikus that I am very proud of. And I have to tell you, that I adored it when you laughed at my flawed arguments, yet gave me leeway. When you listened and when we talked for hours and when I wanted you to be mine, every single minute of each single day. And yes I am selfish baby, but I loved you. I did… and will always do, even though someone else’s hair may now be tangled on your broom.
And so baby, I went home, carrying my shattered heart in one hand, your letters in another, and burned them both.