Transcript x* + 2

Ever since I could remember, people referred to me as a “polite” girl, who always behaved properly. I carried that trait around with me for long. Sometimes as a burden. My family and friends always expected me to act in a certain way. I even took shit from people and kept my mouth shut. I rarely complained. I was seldom cranky or angry. I let go of some things because I had to live up to my “good girl” image. I compromised a lot. On the outside, I looked happy. Sometimes pretended to be. Inside, I had a lot of repressed anger and restrained thoughts. Frustrations too. And then I decided that I wasn’t going to live like that anymore. If I’m angry, I will scream it out loud and express it. If a twisted idea crosses my mind, I’m going to give it some thought. if I feel like letting go of my feelings and telling people that I love them, I will do it. No holding back. My silence was slowly poisoning my balance. And I kept quiet for so long. All the inappropriate things I say and that you sometimes frown upon, are in fact me sharing my most intimate (as weird as that may sound) thoughts, insecurities, mistakes and sometimes aspirations or dreams. And no, I don’t share those with a lot of people.  In fact, I do it around you because you make me feel comfortable. Because I feel that I can tell you everything and you perhaps won’t judge. And through it all, I try to stay true to who I really am. Simple, uncomplicated, easy-going, nice and sometimes erratic. The Me who met you a little more than a month ago and still misses you every single day. Who keeps wishing things were different. Who can’t wait to see you again. Who gets cranky when you ignore her all day and jealous when you go out with your boring ex or even talk about it. Me with all my “qualités et défauts”. I who bores you by how many times I say: “I miss you”. Repeatedly. Because I do.

And here it goes again: I miss you…

Endlessly.

*x because I lost track of how many transcripts I had written thus far…

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